I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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