They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
handjob tips. give me some.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
