I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
