my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
