he wants to bone in the snuggie
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
