I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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