So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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