My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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