i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
