Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
