I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
