cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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