He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
