I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
