would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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