Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
