I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
