I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
