Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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