at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
