i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
