Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
