I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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