I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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