guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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