I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
