i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
