R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
