Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
