im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
