My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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