so that wasnt chicken after all
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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