Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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