he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
