dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
