Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
