ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
