I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
