yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
