Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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