I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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