if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
