He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
