the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
