we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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