You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
