there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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