I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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