I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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