I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
