We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
