Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
