You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
